Pet advice, straight from the ANIMALS’ mouth! Guest answers by Elvis the Iguana from Toots and Allie the Great Dane from Liquid Smoke. Amy, Elvis and Allie answer all your pet questions and animal needs!
Dear Amy,
I have a golden retriever, Neutron, who has a taste for my lacy lingerie. Every time I come home from work, all of my dirty underwear has been torn to shreds! I feed her plenty, and she has toys to play with, but it seems all she wants to do is eat my silk thongs. What’s going on and what should I do? Sincerely, Dog Tired
Amy: First of all, it sounds like you need to keep your dirty laundry somewhere other than the floor. Try a hamper or somewhere your dog can’t get to it.
Allie the Great Dane: Dogs can’t help but eat your undies, they just smell so good! We like the scent of your dirty thongs because they smell like estrogen. Dogs are very scent oriented, which is what our long noses are for! Try to keep your stinky things where our noses won’t be so intrigued!
Elvis the Iguana: You dogs have some nasty habits. But maybe your dog is just bored. Dogs have a lot of energy, so try taking Neutron to a doggy park. Outside, there’s plenty of dirt to sink their noses into.
Dear Amy,
I am deeply concerned about my cat. She is a 2-year-old Calico named Pineapple that has had all her shots and one litter with eight kittens. Pineapple had her litter about a year and half ago and since then, she has gotten really fat. She eats and sleeps all the time in our apartment. (I live in a three-bedroom apartment.) Before the kittens, she was very energetic and playful. I am concerned about her mental health, though. She is very easily entertained. For example, she will stare at the wall for hours and hours. There is nothing there, she just sits and stares at the wall! Do you think she needs pet therapy? I need your help! Thanks, Sasha
Amy: If your cat is getting fat, that’s your own fault! Animals rely on you to feed them. If they are getting fat, then don’t let them eat all the time. Cut back on their “afternoon snacks.” One tuna plate instead of two.
Allie the Great Dane: Pet therapy is a joke! The only person who can talk to the animals is your senile Uncle Verne. Your cat just needs something more to do than sit in a three-bedroom apartment. Try playing with her more or find a toy that can entertain her. Even pampered cats need something to do with their time.
Elvis the Iguana: Hey, if you popped out eight babies, I’m sure you’d be a little less energetic too! You humans and your “one-baby-mama-drama,” give me a break!
