Gagflex: When Old Professions Collide


There is a group of people in America who provide vital services to others in desperate need, and ask for no recognition in return. They are constantly scrutinized by our government, and oddly enough they apparently also provide services to some of our top officials.

That’s why I am suggesting a new national holiday: Prostitutes Day.

Nothing cuts through the hypocrisy of political morality quite like the evil deed of sex. ABC News broke the story about the woman they’re calling the D.C. Madam. Deborah Jeane Palfrey was charged with running a prostitution ring from her business, Pamela Martin and Associates Escort Service. She claims that her business was only involved in fantasy sex, not the real thing. Regardless of what took place behind closed doors, there could be very real repercussions for her clients, many who are assumed to be Washington and military elite.

Even though she’s been prohibited from leaking her telephone records, and the Feds have attempted to hit her with a gag order, she still managed to leak the name of Randall Tobias. Before he recently resigned, Tobias was the U.S. Director of Foreign Assistance. Ironically, he was in charge of distributing money to foreign countries for AIDS relief and supported a bill that limits funding to countries not active in fighting prostitution.

Hypocrisy has existed within every government ever created, but moral hypocrisy is the cherry on the top of hypocritical acts. As soon as a politician starts scouting the religious vote, start looking for the skeletons hanging in his or her closet, especially when it comes to morality involving sex. That’s why when politicians hit the campaign trail they bring along the spouse just to let you know they’re honest, family oriented and definitely not some cheater who buys prostitutes for a cheap thrill.

But politicians aren’t completely to blame for the hypocrisy and mannequin-like behavior. There’s a certain regard that our society holds for politicians that they’re supposed to be more morally superior than the average Joe. Well, they’re not. They’re human, and sex is strong driving force for most humans. I have zero respect for those prudish individuals who fight other people’s sexuality for the sake of righteousness and even less for vows of chastity. In the land of adults there’s no such thing as sexual superiority, only preference.

Cheating is probably a bad idea for those who choose to be in relationships, but also I can’t imagine caring about someone I don’t know cheating on their significant other. It’s not my business. Bill Clinton wasn’t a bad leader because he cheated on his wife. Those were the actions of a bad husband, not a bad leader.

Our current president is a bad leader, and he was supposed to be the candidate bringing morality back to the White House. So while you’re watching those political debates during this election season, just realize that the candidate who claims the high bar for righteousness is also human?and is also probably a liar.

Try not to look down on prostitution, because it’s a profession as important as any other mental health profession. And as George Carlin pointed out, it shouldn’t be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away.


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