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The Loo Review: Liquid Smoke beats out other bars in competition for the best seat in town.

To pee or not to pee. That, my friend, is the question.

With more than enough watering holes in the area to quench the most insatiable thirst, The Pulse is not here to suggest the best drink destination. Rather, The Pulse is here to provide exclusive details about an understudied, overlooked element in ’Boro nightlife: the illustrious bathroom.

Whether you’re an indie-rocker, frat enthusiast or regular guy, one bar or the other in the ?Boro offers some sort of allure. From the quarter drafts to the well-stocked jukebox, every bar provides a draw but the basics remain the same: drinks, various four-legged sitting devices, music and, of course, bathrooms.

Here is a list of major cans (and canNOTS) in central Murfreesboro.

Wall Street

PROS: Curiously clean smelling, the Wall Street water closet emits a strong chlorine scent that calls to mind an indoor pool. Greatly eliminating standard bathroom odors, we’ll take indoor pool over indoor poo any day. With low-visibility urinal dividers, chances of someone getting a peek at your goods (or vice-versa) are slim to none.

CONS: Aside from your empty PBR can, there is no bathroom upstairs. This means frequent treks downstairs which, if you need the exercise, could be good thing. Also, if you go into the other gender’s restroom, you risk being threatened by the often large door guy. Scary.

Bluesboro

PROS: The bathroom line passes in front of the cigarette machine, so you can grab a pack while you’re waiting. On Thursdays (25 cent draft night) you may be able to finish the entire pack before you make it inside. Also on Thursdays, there is a bathroom attendant, so don’t worry about washing your own hands. He’ll also lint-roll your T-shirt so you can confidently approach one of those ladies you’ve been scoping all night.

CONS: You have to tip the cologne-spraying guy.

This cat also causes problems for the stage-frightened bargoer. My heart goes out to these unfortunate souls because if you think he’s not watching you, you’re horribly mistaken.

HINT: Not to advocate non-hand-washing, but here is the perfect strategy for avoiding the attendant: after you’re finished just pretend like you’re still peeing. Some drunk dude will inevitably engage this cat in conversation and when this happens, quickly wash your hands and bolt for the door. In my experience, this works amazingly often.

The Boro

PROS: I can’t think of anywhere else where you can read The Far Side while draining the lizard. There are other comics, which are updated frequently, hanging up also. In addition to the gender-

specific johns, a lockable unisex bathroom is ready for those unfortunate (or way fortunate) out-at-the-bar trips.

CONS: Small. The distance from one toilet to the other is exactly two guys wide, so you may get some physical human contact in there. And if you have a case of the pee shyness, forget about it.

Liquid Smoke

PROS: They have the coolest bathroom in town, in Tennessee, and maybe even the world. Mirrors take up two full walls, giving the illusion of a much larger room. On the other two walls, white sunflowers jump off bright red wallpaper. An electric-blue lighted aquarium filled with neons and black tetras is set back in the wall and surrounded by a picture frame. This provides real-time (literally) moving artwork. Bad hair day? No problem. They have complimentary hair products beside an enchanted-looking smoke fountain. It’s like smoke, but liquid. Hmm.

A zebra-print chair sits in a corner for those situations when bathroom visits just require more than one person, and faux flowers add a nice homey touch. Owners Mike and Kelly LaMure maintain Murfreesboro’s top loo by making changes to the facility at least once per year and they hope to make expansions some time soon so keep your eyes peeled.

CONS: As a unisex loo, the line gets long really fast. And with all the neat stuff to check out, you’ll want to take your time. This could either make folks in line a little angry or cause new dates to assume that you’re rocking a deuce which could make for an embarrassing situation.

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About the Author

The Murfreesboro Pulse, Middle Tennessee's Source for Art, Entertainment and Culture News. murfreesboropulse@yahoo.com

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