What I want for Christmas is peace on Earth and goodwill towards men.
May no child have to endure living with bombs dropping outside their window, but may all the good little boys and girls receive gifts of footballs, guitars, skates and candy, dropped by the more fortunate.
I would also like a Garmin. What better instrument for a Captain than a computerized navigator.
And and iPhone. One that holds at least 8,000 hours of music. That would truly be the gift that keeps on giving. Beautiful music that goes where I go.
I’d like a boat?a speedboat that docks in a larger, ocean-worthy boat. There should be a steakhouse, salad bar, Hibachi grill and plenty of delicious seafood on this boat. And champagne, for breakfast. It should be equipped with plenty of slides, a parasailing rig, bowling alley, you know, the basics.
I want it’s staff to give me a hot shave, haircut and pedicure anytime I may need their valuable services.
And back to the children of the world, may all their schools be sufficiently funded so they may teach all the students across the land proper English, for they are The Pulse of tomorrow. May the test scores from the schoolchildren in the Southern states not embarrass our proud Southern culture.
May other exciting markets prepare themselves for new branches of The Pulse, preferably one at a nice beachfront location, another in the mountains.
May the Titans win their remaining three regular season games, including an upset of the defending champion Colts. I want them to proceed to knock the Patriots out of their perfect season in the playoffs, Santa. May Albert Haynesworth crush Manning and Brady with all the authority and grace of you coming down the chimney.
I’d like Sarah to receive a wheelbarrow full of diamonds, some nice lotions and a pretty scarf.
May she remain an art director firmly dedicated to quality in the new year. She needs to be tough on me, Santa, with the paper, as long as she stays a beautiful and fun girl to hang with.
And I want a motorbike.
But most importantly, the peace on Earth. May no one have to die in war, famine, disease or disaster, other than those necessary to curb excessive population growth, as theorized by Thomas Malthus.
Peace
Bracken Mayo, Editor in Chief
