In a town with no shortage of jam sessions, it’s a good idea to learn some common courtesies and etiquette before just jumping on stage. As a guitar player and multi-instrumentalist, I’ve had the opportunity to play everything from small listening rooms to 40,000-seat arenas. But I didn’t earn those opportunities from playing as much as I did listening.

In a jam session, the key is to pay close attention to what others are playing, not just what you’re doing, or you’ll tend to play all over everyone else. The time to listen to only yourself is when you’re practicing in your room behind closed doors, not when you get on stage.

A jam session is a great place to learn some discipline because you can showcase what you’ve got while honing your listening skills, learning when to fill up the holes and when to leave well enough alone. It just becomes a bunch of noise when everybody gets on stage and competes, trying to show off. A good jam has to follow a logical order. A bandleader helps, but in absence of one, everyone has to use their discretion on when to play and, more importantly, when not to.

Many professional musicians shy away from open jam sessions because there seems to be an overwhelming lack of discretion. BB King was famous for telling players to play one note and make it count. Eric Clapton advises players to learn to play the rests as well as the notes. Stepping on the music with your guitar work tends to get in the way of the song and is certainly not enjoyable for an audience. You may be having a great time, but there are others to consider.

Like an engine, all the parts have to work together simultaneously. Listen to recordings of the Allman Brothers Band or Widespread Panic, both known for their ability to jam without stepping all over one another. The idea is to leave your ego at home and bring your chops with you. There’s room for everyone. One guy hogging the solos tends to frustrate everyone else. Don’t overstay your welcome when it comes to your turn onstage because it makes people not want to work with you anymore.

A lot of guitar players think they have to use every lick they’ve ever learned in order to prove their ability, when in reality it is just the opposite. You should take the best of your licks and throw them out selectively. A good musician is like a gourmet chef. A chef has a whole spice cabinet at his disposal, but uses just the right spices for each recipe. A good player knows what to put in and what to leave out.

What makes for a great player being asked back again and again is the discipline to wait your turn and the willingness to support and compliment what others are doing. Your turn will come, and when it does, offer something tasteful that will leave them wanting more.