Online Slots Reviewed

The best slot machine ever, you ask? Let’s get straight down to it—nothing is ever going to beat the Trade Stimulator from around 1880. Just the name is enough to guarantee it classic status, but feast your eyes on the design . . .

Unfortunately, prizes were restricted to sticks of gum and the like, but surely someone can come up with a Trade Stimulator app for the iPhone? Anyway, today we don’t even have to leave the house to try our luck on the slots. There’s a limitless world of (sometimes bizarrely) themed machines to play online, so here’s a look at some of the best, and a few of the worst:


Cartoon-based slots are always popular, and the South Park version is a well-designed game that sticks to the feel of the show fairly well. You can play online in practice mode or for real money, and there are bonus games featuring Kyle, Eric, Cartman and Kenny (try not to kill him, though.)


Many online slots these days have crazy themes, but sometimes it’s nice to get away from all the Hollywood branding and play some “retro reels.” Retro Reels Extreme Heat takes slot design back to basics, and concentrates on the excitement of the game itself rather than trying to crowbar Spiderman into proceedings. A classic design coupled with up-to-the-minute graphics quality.


What could be more American than stuffing quarters into a slot and watching a selection of burgers, fries and hot dogs spinning in front of you? Haute Cuisine might have seemed like a good idea on paper, but think about it—if you’re hungry, you’re going to play it for 1 minute and then go get a pizza; if you’ve just eaten, you’re going to hurl.


Monopoly Plus is one of a number of slots based on the classic board game. A $5,000 jackpot is coupled with a 30 payline design. The graphics are perhaps a little cheap looking; the symbols appear to have been fairly quickly sketched, but fans of the Board Bonus Round from the original game won’t be disappointed.


Older players will love this one; Captain Scarlet is a very nicely designed tribute to the late ‘60s TV show. Real thought has gone into producing something that doesn’t feel like a tacky rip-off. There’s a $7,500 jackpot. Gerry Anderson would be proud. Or at least, not massively offended.


There’s no shortage of sporting themed slots online, and Bowled Over is a pretty good, clearly designed example. Our final choice has 5 reels and 20 paylines, and the usual wild symbols and scatters are featured. Bonus wins can reach $6,000. It’s a pretty good stab at a bowling themed slot, though some players may find the colors a little bleached-out.

(Images courtesy of wikipedia, gamingslots.com, onlineslotsguru.co.uk, gelukscasino.com, gamingslots.com, openbet.com, superiorcasino.com)


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