Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, Larry the Cable Guy, Bonnie Hunt

Directed by John Lasseter

Rated G

2 Pulses

Gentlemen, start your engines. Vroom, Vroom Vroom. Ready, set, go. The tires peel out on the hot asphalt, engine exhaust is fuming, smoke is rising and caution is thrown into the wind. Everything is going well, but wait, the dreaded turn is up ahead. It’s getting closer and closer. The brakes screech, sparks fly, but it isn’t enough. CRASH!

That’s how Pixar’s Cars feels. It starts out exciting, but unfortunately can’t maintain the momentum and eventually crashes. Director John Lasseter (Toy Story and Toy Story 2) seems to be stuck in the past, repeating what worked for those two films. Unfortunately, it’s the present, and Pixar has since made some of the best children’s films, make that films, of all time. What makes such recent hits as The Incredibles and Finding Nemo so remarkable? It’s their original, fresh stories and computer graphics. Cars got one of those right, but one just doesn’t cut it anymore. While it is an original idea to have a film solely about the lives of cars, the execution is poor.

Lightning McQueen (Wilson) is a hot shot, full-of-himself, race car who has been making incredible strides with his rookie season. Everything is going well, until Mack (John Ratzenberger), the semi truck carrying him to the Los Angeles International Speedway, falls asleep at the wheel. The back hatch opens and McQueen, asleep, almost gets hit by traffic. Lost and trying to find his way, he ends up speeding through a ragged old town called Radiator Springs. Unfortunately, the town sheriff (Michael Wallis) is on his tale. While trying to get out of the town, McQueen gets hooked on some barbwire that ends up attached to an old town monument. Dragging the monument all over the place, he rips up all the asphalt. After he is caught, the judge, Doc Hudson (Newman), sentences him to repave the road before he can leave.

This is one of the only interesting dynamics of Cars, as it is a nod to director Stuart Rosenberg’s 1967 film Cool Hand Luke. In it the law makes the hot shot Lucas “Luke” Jackson (Newman), and other prisoners throw dirt on the gravely road before the asphalt truck rolls by. Now Newman is the law, making the hot shot McQueen pave the road. It’s also really great hearing Newman, such a renowned actor, play a car, especially since racing is one of the actor’s passions. His raspy, fatherly voice is “pitch” perfect.

But, alas, maybe my expectations were too high. However, Pixar has been setting such high standards as of late. Unfortunately they’ve become too good for even themselves. While Cars may be good for kids, it has none of the past films’ adult humor. The jokes this time around aren’t funny either; they are just stale. Take Mater (Larry The Cable Guy) for example. He is a junkyard, hillbilly, tow truck that loves tipping “tractors” then farting and saying, “I don’t care who you are, that’s fun.” Guess all Southerners go cow tippin’. No, they don’t.

If Cars also had humans in it then things wouldn’t be so jarring. It’s hard to get past seeing cars as fans, racing participants and the pit crew. Having humans play at least two of those roles would give even more focus on the racing participants, and have something to relate to. As it is, it’s hard to care about machines as equally as caring about animals. They, and the film, feel a little hollow.