When I miss a call and the ID displays “unknown” I don’t wonder who it was or worry I missed someone important; I just sit back and smile to myself knowing that Unknown Hinson just wanted to check in and say hello.

He may be wanting to tell me about all the womens on the road, come over and jam some funky hillbilly tunes, or just talk some Squidbilly nonsense.

Whenever I answer the call from the number labeled “unknown” and it’s not Mr. Hinson, I’m disappointed; a lot disappointed if it’s some car warranty scam or recording trying to sell me satellite TV. It seems I never answer when it’s really him.

I’ve been enjoying watching the Stanley Cup playoffs, and playing piano during the intermissions (how European); brings back memories.

My new trivia game will be “Hockey Player or Composer?” The title is pretty explanatory; I give you a name, you tell me whether it’s a hockey player or composer.

Ready? Nicoli Khabibulin. Dimitri Kabalevsky. Alexander Ovechkin. Sergei Rachmaninoff. Igor Larionov.

Speaking of names, we’re still debating what the littlest Mayo will be named.

After much deliberation, I’m thinking Metallica von Beethoven Tyrannosaurus Earl Jagermeister Mayo.

Sarah says it’s too typical, though. What can I do? I put all my creativity into that one. We could call him T-Rex for short.

We could name him after Dylan—Zimmerman Earl Mayo. Or perhaps naming a child after a strong hero would give him a powerful start to life: Hulk Hogan Mayo . . .

Really, a Biblical name would be a little more stately and traditional—Methuselah Hezekiah Mayo. This is as hard as eating noodles with chopsticks. Well, I can do that pretty well now.

We’ll just stick to Bracken. You can’t beat the original. The little dude will probably be my best friend; I really can’t wait to meet him.

When the news is beating the swine flu drum with such enthusiasm, expect the government to do something pretty extreme, like invade Switzerland or give the shoe industry $700 billion.

When you want real news, you know to turn to The Pulse—we give you midget wrestling. You’re not going to see that on the MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour.

And though it’s not official, we can go ahead and say summer’s here; I already got my first sunburn of the year.

Peace,
Bracken Mayo
Editor in Chief