2.5 Pulses
Starring Tom Hanks,
Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer
Directed by Ron Howard
Rated PG-13
In arguably the best Indiana Jones movie ever, Harrison Ford’s Dr. Jones reminds his class that “X” never, ever, marks the spot. The film plays off these antiquated notions of treasure-hunting by denouncing them, only to later make its hero eat his own words. It’s a clever way to remain true to the facets of a genre without becoming trite and old hat. Angels & Demons does the opposite.
Ron Howard’s adaptation of the other novel by Dan Brown (Umberto Eco For dummies) follows the adventures of symbologist Robert Langdon. Taking a cue from critics of The Da Vinci Code, Howard shortened the run time, cut Hanks’ regrettable Nicholas Cage hair and omitted those silly, floating, glowing symbols. Still present are interminable expository scenes, questionable historical accuracy and a pervasive air of who-cares.
After the death of the Pope, four potential replacement Popes are kidnapped by Catholicism’s oldest enemy: the Illuminati! Langdon is quickly called to decode the locations of the kidnapped Cardinals from an ambigram (they’re cool, look ’em up). Throw in an antimatter bomb, sexy scientist Vittoria Vetra (Zurer), Ewan McGregor as the late Pope’s favorite protege, shake and bake.
The film poses as both an intelligent thriller AND a summer popcorn flick. This contradiction in terms makes for a dumbed down plot and toned down action. Even the least dedicated history dilettantes will find fault in the shallowness of the script’s historical fictions (the origins of the Illuminati, Galileo writing in American English?). Howard hasn’t lost his touch completely (lifetime pass awarded for “Arrested Development”) and it’s mostly his direction keeping this boat afloat, but when the entire plot is: trip to the library, car ride to an old church, statue points to other church (basically “X” marks the spot ad nauseam), ride to other church, repeat, no amount of flashy filmmaking can polish that turd of a plot.
