What it is my people of the great city of Murfreesboro? It is my pleasure to present to you the greatest, coolest, flashiest, best looking bi-weekly sports column, straight from the Train Daddy. It might be a little while before you get another article; I might have to retire for a month or so. I have to go take care of the business, but I will return with some amazing new ideas for the sporting world.
Like T.I. said, when I get back, you can have whatever you like; you want it, and the Train’s got it.
Let’s start with a little NFL quarterback talk. I might as well start off with Brett Favre. The great told the Associated Press that he will give the Vikings an answer by July 30 on whether he will play, just before training camp begins. Favre has been working out with the Oak Grove High School football team three days a week all summer long.
“There’s two weeks left and I am doing everything I can. I was down here Sunday morning working out, I am trying to get everything to where I feel 100 percent when I go in. I can’t go in any less,” Brett stated.
Another quarterback making some noise, and well deserved, is Matt Cassel. Mr. Cassel agreed to a six-year deal worth $63 million. This deal could pay him in excess of $10 million a season, keeping Matt with the Chiefs until 2014. This deal guarantees Matt $28 million, with a potential $40.5 million in the first three years.
Let’s keep talking about guaranteed money and some of the highest offers ever put on the table in the NFL The highest amount of money ever guaranteed was Matthew Stafford recently receiving $41.7 million. I don’t believe he is worth even close to that much, but I guess that’s the price off a No. 1 pick these days. The second and third spots both go to defensive players on a list that’s always been for quarterbacks. Mr. Big Al got his $41 million deal and Terrell Suggs just recently became the highest paid linebacker in history with $38 million guaranteed. The No. 4 spot goes to the dog slayer, my main man, Michael Vick, with $37 million. Big Ben wraps up the top five with $36 million. The rest of the players guaranteed at least $30 million are Matt Ryan, Peyton Manning, Jamarcus Russell and Tony Romo. This list has some of the best players, but a few are very questionable; these teams might not have had any options. Maybe in fear of losing a good player they believe could be great; they paid the big bucks baby.
Let’s keep talking money; baby girl likes that cheddar cheese. To all my dudes in the ’Boro, watch out for them gold digging women who want your guaranteed money; it’s yours. Take her out to the Olive Garden or for a drink at the local Friday’s, but she’s not getting access to the ATM or the private stash. We work too hard for some gold digger to get all sexed up and trick us into spending our loot.
Eli Manning is probably about to have more money then he knows what to do with. I believe Eli is growing closer to a record-breaking deal with New York. According to sources around the league, Eli’s contract should be done before the season and is said to be somewhere near 7 years and the $120 million range. I don’t believe Eli is a $100 million dollar quarterback based on last year’s stats alone, but they aren’t paying him on last year’s stats alone. They are paying him to stay in New York for his career and based on these few things he has done for his team: 1 Super Bowl championship, 1 NFC Conference Championship, 2 Divisional titles, 4 Consecutive Playoff Appearances, 1 Pro-Bowl Appearance, 0 loosing seasons as a starter and 78 consecutive starts. I don’t like Eli; I am just throwing out some stats. He is poised to become the greatest quarterback in New York history; why not pay him like it?
Alright everybody, let’s talk drugs and sports; the life of a rock star does have consequences in professional sports. This story got my attention and is pretty funny at the same time. Mr. Richard Gasquet escaped a lengthy doping ban recently, when the International Tennis Federation Panel ruled that he inadvertently took cocaine by kissing a woman at a night club. The 23-year-old Gasquet, ranked No. 32 in the world, had convinced the panel he had ingested a small amount by kissing the woman and was not a user of the drug. The panel reduced the two-year ban to two months after agreeing that Gasquet was truthful. The cocaine found in his urine was a grain of salt amount and there are no prior records of him having any legal problems.
Always listen to your mama; don’t be kissing them strange women in clubs. They are all gold diggers and trouble.
This story also is great because I think Jeremy Mayfield is a world-class dumb ass. The NASCAR driver failed a random drug test on May 1 for meth and was suspended indefinitely. The federal judge lifted the suspension July 1, but on July 6 the idiot failed another drug test. This man is done; there haven’t been any new statements except his step-mother coming out and publicly saying she’s witnessed him snort the drug at least 30 times. Mayfield still denies all accusations and said his mama was a lying bitch and just wants money.
Mr. Mayfield, you are the punk of the month and should never be allowed to drive again. I fear for all those other drivers who are riding clean; 200 MPH is no joke, even when the driver to your left isn’t tweaked out on meth.
MLB All-Star weekend wasn’t my favorite, but it drew in some of the highest numbers in All-Star weekend history. The All-Star game was seen on Fox by 33.6 million viewers, and it was broadcast in 17 different languages across 230 countries. President Obama threw the first pitch, something no one in office has done since Gerald Ford in 1976.
The American League extended its unbeaten streak to 13 games after a 4-3 victory . This is the longest streak for either side in All-Star history.
Well, if you made it this far into the article, you are 3x as smart as you were prior to reading this masterpiece. The Train Daddy’s engine never stops. I am the master of disaster, the king of the ring, the man with the plan and the future sports master of the world. I have already been in talks with John Clayton, senior ESPN analyst, about taking over his job. The man’s getting old and who else than the train to take over the driver’s seat.
Well everybody, like I always say, like the $100 million Big Al, if you see a hater while he’s down, stomp ’em in the head!
