What it is you sexy people of the ’Boro? The ’Boro is full of sexy folks, and the Train Daddy is the leader of the pack and the leader of the best sports talk in the city.
One love goes out to my man Bracken Mayo, his beautiful wife and to that little Captain Jr. that has yet to get off his lazy ass and practice my drills. Without those three this article would not be possible, yet all of them are a bunch of donkey monkeys. I love them and they are good people, and if the Train says it is, well it is that way son.
The night before last I had a dream, and this was no dream like my homeboy Dr. King had; man this was a dream of dreams. The Train Daddy’s dream started with a Titan Super Bowl victory and was celebrated with naked Titan cheerleaders running a hurdle relay race. Then from what I remember I was dressed as Sir William Wallace all covered in war-paint and blood. Very soon in the dream I grabbed a spear and from a long distance launched a quick throw that ultimately ended up spearing Jim Rome dead in the heart. After all the chaos the Train took over Rome’s spot on ESPN and created the best sports talk show of all time. This dream will be a reality one day. The Train will rule the sports world, and all who stand in my way will get speared like Jim Rome on the battlefield that day; the Train takes no prisoners.
Well I have yet to talk of any sports related news to this point. I guess I can start with the swimming lanes. My homeboy Michael Phelps hasn’t let the bong hits dissipate any of his swimming achievements. My boy can hit the bong at my house and I will light it for him if he keeps swimming like he is. Phelps was recently the first swimmer in history to break 50 seconds in the 100 meter butterfly. With a time of 49.82, he beat out his rival Millard Cavic, who had been talking trash all month long. After the race, Phelps pulled on both sides of his skin-tight LZR Razor swimsuit to show his opponent the Speedo logo. Millard had offered prior to the race to buy Phelps a Polyurethane swimsuit, so Phelps would have no excuses when he lost in his Speedo. Well Millard, the American swimming prodigy didn’t disappoint us. Michael Phelps can hit the bong all day, because he is destined, and in the next Olympics it’s going to be all gold again for America.
So what about Derrick Mason, a true wide receiver coming out of retirement? Aug. 1, Mason surprisingly showed up to begin training camp. It isn’t like Mason is some old school, washed up player that just was a speaking leader for the Ravens. No sir, my boy Mason led the team in receptions, led the team in receiving yards and is owed that cheese damn it! Some of Mason’s reasons for retiring without notice could be the death of his good friend, the MAN, Steve McNair, or his family issues that are publicly being rumored. Another reason could be the fact the team was unwilling to adjust his $3 million dollar salary; that isn’t much in NFL money and for a playoff receiver—leading the team in stats and leading by example, pay the man!
Ladies and gentleman, the NFL season is upon us, and the Titans are my team as always. I stand proud of my team, and all you other franchises can suck a Titan hot dog. They sell for $4 apiece at LP Field and are the jam.
The power rankings have my team in the top 10; I have seen fourth, I have seen sixth and I have even seen seventh. I will give it to those dirty towel swingers, the top spot, being Super Bowl champions and everything. So the Titans can’t win the big game some say; well I am telling you that the Titans are in the hunt without a doubt you haters. So I am going to throw out the expected top teams: the Giants, the Pats, the Eagles, the Colts, the Cardinals. The Titans would hang in that conversation all day baby; the Colts are a laughing stock this off season. For the first time Peyton is crying; he is the man, but no Marvin Harrison and a new offensive coordinator. The Titans own the AFC South this year baby. The Colts will be good as long as Peyton is under center, but they are not going to be the Colts of the past seasons. The Titans are mighty men hungry after last season and everybody else better be ready if you’re playing the Titans—ready to get hit in the mouth. Call me a redneck Titan lover, but when it comes down to it, the Titans play with heart and they got talent, defense, smash and dash, a new exciting receiving core and the old man, Smelly Collins, poised to learn from last year’s mistakes.
Alright, the Train Daddy is rolling out of the station. Like I always say, if you see a hater stomp him in the head like Big Al would do. My people keep it gangster and keep it real. If anybody has a problem with the Train Daddy, please e-mail me at titanman1984@yahoo.com and let me know how you really feel.
