Have you ever noticed how some people just seem to have an air of confidence about them? Others are drawn to them, want to be in their presence. They have an essence that says they know what they want and are not afraid to go get it. People are more inclined to believe those who speak with confidence. Guess what? People are not automatically confident. Life has a way of creating moments that break us down, but thankfully there are occasions that build us up. If you analyze the components of why or how someone appears confident, however, you can begin adding these same qualities and characteristics to your own life and enjoy more confident living—even if you have to manufacture it at first.

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” – Harvey Fierstein

A few simple things you can do to create more confident living, one step at a time.

SMILE! This gets attention. It says you are a happy person, and approachable. A confident, carefree smile that comes from inside makes you more attractive on the outside. This increases your face value tremendously. The many times I have found myself in unfamiliar territory, I remember smiling to myself as I looked around—as though I knew “something.” Smiling makes me feel better and usually leads to conversation more easily than not smiling, or even worse, frowning!

POSTURE. Stand tall, shoulders back, chest out, spine long. How you carry yourself speaks volumes. It also looks better than slouching. Don’t over do it. No “over arching” your back. Just keep the spine long and stretched upward. As you pull your shoulders back, this will naturally arch your chest forward.

ATTITUDE! Be approachable, considerate, easygoing. Be positive. Reflect on all sides of a situation. Be pleasant. You don’t have to agree with everyone, but be kind. Be happy. Be genuine.

LISTEN. Don’t know what to say? Observe, listen. Pay attention instead. When you listen you gain information, insight and inspiration. You will know when it’s time to talk. People often don’t listen enough before speaking, or speak before gathering all the facts. Take it all in. Listeners are often considered thoughtful, intelligent, respectful and even popular. Those who get to talk feel like they’ve been heard when someone takes the time to genuinely listen.

EYE CONTACT. Be attentive, genuine, direct. Make eye contact when communicating. When you are not distracted, this focused attention increases your confidence range.

CLOTHES. Wear clothes that flatter your shape and feel good. Comfortable clothes make you feel relaxed. This way you don’t spend time fidgeting. Fitted clothing is also very attractive, especially when you stand tall (remember posture). If you’re unsure of what looks good on you, many stores have personal shoppers or wardrobe stylists that can help. Or shop with a friend who has good taste!

SKIN. Good healthy skin reflects healthy habits that say you care about your well-being. Things that influence this are what you eat, drink and what you use to clean or maintain your skin. If you have unusual issues, seek professional help either from a licensed skin care provider, dermatologist or nutritionist.

MAKEUP (ladies) / MAINTAINED FACE (men). Create a look that represents your true nature—natural, playful, dramatic, professional. Whatever it is, make sure it is maintained, well manicured and consistent. Heard the saying “put on your A game”? This would apply here.

STYLE. Add a little something that uniquely expresses you—a hat, scarf, socks, belt, earrings or boots. Be creative, but keep it classy and timeless.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Marilyn Monroe

A couple additional tips to help build your confidence:

• Help someone else. Volunteer your services or lend a hand. Helping someone often brings instant satisfaction as we forget ourselves and bring a smile to another as we lighten the load. It feels good to make a difference to another.

• Care for yourself. Self confidence is a combination of good physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and social health. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you are constantly feeling bad about one or more of these.

Now, put them all together and heads will turn. Your outward appearance is affected by what you do and think on the inside, so make it brilliant!

“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill