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Sometimes, it can be so easy to get caught up in the cycle of negative thinking. Someone does or says something that is annoying, unpleasant or controversial. In the next moment, you have a lively debate arguing the pros and cons of the topic. Often you end up hearing all the reasons why something isn’t good enough, why it won’t work or who’s wrong. Occasionally, you may tune out what others are saying and you may not want to offer any thoughts for fear of confrontation or accusation. Maybe it seems easier just to turn the other cheek or ignore the conversation or situation altogether. Is there a solution to breaking the chain of this negativity?
Breaking old habits is hard and sometimes feels impossible. Rather than focusing on breaking old habits, create new ones and the old ones will slowly start to fade. – Unknown
If you find yourself in a conversation, participating or just listening, and it seems like the only common ground is debating for the sake of debating, mentally step back and try to identify the key elements of reasoning going on. What byproduct of fear (because they are all under the umbrella of fear) do you hear the loudest? Insecurity, selfishness, greed, pride, ego, jealousy? When you can get to the root of the issue, it is easier to address problems or disagreements more effectively. Everyone wants to be heard, considered, understood. So, start with listening to what’s being said underneath the surface barrage.
When things are super-heated, it’s a good practice to put the discussion on “pause” when possible. Let tempers or egos simmer and reconvene when parties are more open to civility and understanding. It’s also a good practice to listen to your inner “rational radar” and determine what is more important. The desire to be right, to be understood, or to understand? Instead of asking “what’s wrong” with a situation or a person, try asking “what’s right”? Whether we see it or not, there is always good going on in every situation.
How can you recognize the good? It’s usually easy to find if you simply turn the situation upside down, backwards or around. Put yourself in the position of the “negotiator” to find resolution or harmony. Focusing on the good or positives puts you in a forward posture, rather than backwards or stagnant. Are you sometimes apathetic when you’ve heard something over and over? As the song “Freewill” by Rush states, if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. What’s important to consider in this posture is that it is more difficult to see the enslavement that indecision or apathy puts you in. Sometimes it seems easier to walk away rather than get involved. What happens when no one wants to be involved anymore? Nothing changes, or possibly everything changes because it’s left to others to decide what’s important. All it takes is one new thought, or at least one that is spoken with authority from someone who believes their position to be a solid or good one.
“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” – Rosa Luxemburg
Breaking the chain demands that you not be okay with the status quo. We develop patterns and habits that help us to exist in relationships and make choices because we don’t know any differently at the time. It becomes easier to live with what we have come to expect or anticipate rather than try to develop new patterns, thus letting go of non-useful or unsatisfying ones. Pick one area in your life that you want to change or see differently. Try applying one of these ideas to begin breaking the chain that has held you back. Don’t try to anticipate what your results will be, just apply the different thought pattern and watch what happens. Sometimes, new love means breaking old habits.
Sometimes you find yourself more at ease in relationships defined by inconsistency, anger, irreconcilable jealousy and neglect, simply because that is what you have grown used to over the years. – Unknown
