“One test of the correctness of educational procedure is the happiness of the child.” — Maria Montessori
Are we there yet? Almost.
Eight weeks.
Eight weeks from the day I write this until school is out and our family escapes to the beach. We. Can’t. Wait.
As exhausted teachers, students and parents hurtle towards the end of the school year, most of us are counting down the days until the break. We’ll smile, dress up and attend the whirlwind of end-of-year things: performances, banquets, ceremonies, dances—the adrenaline-fueled mad dash to the finish line, littered with invitations, paper programs and balloons.
Our kids are expected to take exams, finish papers, endure standardized testing, try out for fall sports, compete in that final event and meet all their social expectations too. There’s an end-of-year something for everything, fueled with decorated sugar cookies and punch.
Somewhere in the midst of all this, they will receive final grades, report cards and test scores. This exciting time filled with heightened expectations can transform into misery instead of celebration for children whose learning style doesn’t lend itself to the easily identifiable “success” on paper that we typically celebrate this time of year.
For some kids, “good grades” come easily and test scores hold no menace. For others, the dread in anticipation of the final report card or awards ceremony may send them into a tailspin. Parents, we must know our children and adjust our expectations accordingly. We are the ones they ultimately aim to please, and it’s on us to release them from that potentially devastating performance trap. After almost three decades of teaching, I believe the greatest hindrance to children’s successful education is adults with their eyes on the wrong prize.
There is no number on a piece of paper that defines your child.
None. No test score, no grade, no class or athletic rank. None of it.
Years ago, I was teaching some exceptionally bright fifth graders. These students were very capable, which allowed us to explore some elevated topics. After one unit, a particularly strong student scored 75% on a test, which was lower than her typical score. The next day, her mother was in my classroom, chewing me out, because her daughter had scored a 75. She was angry and accusatory. Her daughter did not make seventy-fives. When I finally got a word in edgewise, I suggested that we pause and remember the good news. Her daughter had already mastered three-fourths of the material. Now she just had one-fourth left to learn.
Grades are not the endgame. I’m going to say that again.
Grades are not the endgame.
We all want our children to succeed in school. High standards are important. Hard work is important. But in the frenzy of competition, sometimes parents (and coaches and teachers) lose sight of what success actually means.
So, what is success?
Maria Montessori proposed that truly correct educational procedure should produce happiness in children. Not that every child will be happy about every part of every day at school, but when a child’s curiosity is piqued by an interesting topic and they’re working on an appropriate level and type of work for their learning style, it should bring them joy. Children get excited when their eyes are opened to new aspects of the amazing world they live in.
Successful education inspires curiosity in the hearts and minds of children, allows them to flourish in their own skin, and opens doors to new facets of life they have not yet experienced. The books they read, the art they see, the music they hear, the histories they learn; all have the potential to impact them. If a child tries something new that stretches their limits or previous experience, they shouldn’t be the best at it yet.
When a student is learning something new, they are learning. They haven’t mastered it yet, and they will occasionally come home with less-than-perfect grades. They should. In fact, if your child makes straight 100s, they aren’t being challenged.
Possibly the most important aspect of successful education is the character they are building and the relationships they are forming through their school years. School is not only a place they learn to solve equations and conjugate verbs. It’s a place they learn to solve social dynamics problems, work together with different personalities, and push themselves to develop a talent or skill. In school, children learn conflict resolution, leadership, teamwork, kindness, perseverance, organization and taking initiative. Labels, grades and awards say very little about the beauty of a human soul.
Joy in learning, character development, and increasing respect for others are much better indicators of a future life worth living than any test score. So, when our kids come home with a “B” on their report card and a story of sitting next to a lonely classmate at lunch, or helping defend a younger student against a bully, let’s celebrate that. That’s success that matters.
