There’s a good book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I have used this mantra as a reference and catalyst for many things in my life. I was doing that before her book was ever published, but it was cool to discover that principles you’ve unwittingly lived by are in a written form or some kind of instructional guide.
Fear is a reflection of a lack of confidence. It is also regarded as “False Evidence Appearing Real.” If you don’t have enough facts about something, it can feel intimidating to move forward. When you don’t have enough (or any) experience with something, that too can be a daunting hurdle when jumping into unfamiliar territory.
What are some of the fears that keep you from moving forward? What aren’t you doing that you’d like to be doing? Do you want to pursue a new friendship? Change careers? Change partners? Take a class or learn a new skill? Write a book? Take a trip that seems out of budget and out of reach? Run for office or speak in front of a group?
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” — George Addair.
Regardless of the reason you stall to try something new it comes from some basic fears: not being good enough, not having enough, afraid of losing what you do have, not knowing how to go about it, fear of rejection or not being liked. Sometimes it’s an insidious reason, like not wanting to even invest the time to find out what might light the fire to shake your life up a bit or change its direction altogether. It could also be the fear of making an effort and find that nothing changes, or that it changes and you are worse off. Even those reasons suggest an underlying fear of not being accepted on some level.
The reasons that push us to move beyond fear and into action are different, but many reasons are also common. As Tom Cruise said in Days of Thunder: “I’m more afraid of being nothing than I am of getting hurt.” Children are often good motivators to push beyond limitations. We often want our children to have more than we did, or have more opportunities, so they become our reason why. The fear of being alone pushes us to interact with others when we’d prefer not to exert the energy. I have a friend who once said she is social “in spite of herself,” meaning she knows it’s important to connect with others even though it’s easier to go home and not risk any interpersonal hangups. Knowing that growth does not come from stagnation, the choice to be active in some way is necessary. Sometimes we change when we are “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is to be understood.” — Marie Curie
A verse from the song “Freewill” by Rush—If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice—shows that we do in fact choose. We always have a choice. We are either more comfortable not facing change—for fear of the unknown—or we feel our fear or discomfort and choose to see what it looks like on the other side of fear. You can rehearse more scenarios of defeat in your mind than you can of success. Try to imagine how you would feel if any one of your fears came true, and sit with that thought. Let it sink in and see how it would feel. Can you handle that outcome? Would it kill you, embarrass you, humiliate you? Break through the thought of what you think would happen to you. Then get a glimpse into the other side of fear. Most of what we fear never comes to pass. If it does come to pass, you will live through it. You will still be on the other side, and more than likely you will gain not only experience but you will have more confidence.
“We are more often frightened than hurt; And we suffer more from imagination than reality.” — Seneca
Many prefer to be good at something before doing it in front of someone else, but nothing ever starts out perfectly. It all starts with understanding that you have to make the effort, take the steps, put in the time, and practice, over and over, until you get better. Whether it’s running a race, climbing a mountain, bench-pressing weight, losing or gaining weight, learning a new language or instrument, dancing, performing comedy, acting, buying a new house, getting married or getting divorced, it all starts with the desire for change.
Even when you haven’t achieved first place or won the Oscar or gotten the relationship you wanted, you begin to understand what it takes to move in that direction. It requires an action, movement or decision. When the water is flowing it moves to new places, weaves in and out. When it is sedentary, it gets sluggish and clogged and immobile. So how do you get to the other side of fear? Get moving!
In the book mentioned at the beginning of this article Susan Jeffers suggests: “In every situation there are at least 30 ways to change your point of view. Make this a game—the ‘change your point of view’ game. Play it with a friend; having a ‘growth buddy’ is very nourishing.”
Start with tiny steps. It doesn’t have to be grand. One small victory will give you confidence to take the next tiny step. Embrace feeling uncomfortable, knowing that you will feel uncomfortable, and that because you’re feeling it you know you are that much closer to conquering your fear and gaining the wisdom and confidence that come with each step.
“FEAR has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours. — Zig Ziglar
[Photo courtesy of Inzmam Khan / Pexels]
