In today’s business world, giving feedback can be a very delicate thing. When one offers to give us constructive feedback, it may very well be an attempt to help us grow. But the receiving end of that suggestion only hears one word, and it’s not the word, constructive. All we focus on is “criticism.”
Is it wrong to be critiqued? No, of course not! Otherwise, we would never learn, and will only be successful at far fewer things. So why does the thought of us being criticized make us cringe? Perhaps it’s just being human, but we do not like to admit we have flaws. Mommy told us we were perfect little angels, and we don’t want anything to upset that narrative we hold about ourselves. But eventually, we grow up and realize we are not so perfect after all. Well, most of us learn the truth, anyway.
Not all criticism is viewed as constructive, though. Giving and receiving feedback can be tricky, especially when there are emotions involved. Generally, there are a lot of bad feelings with the term “constructive criticism” in any case. But is the feedback warranted nonetheless? If so, it is best to stick with cold, hard facts and avoid personal opinions when it comes to being critical.
In many organizations, it is normal to hear feedback from management or even our colleagues about our own job performance. It can be a bit of a shock if we believe our work to be good, yet others find fault with it. Perhaps we are simply having a bad day, or it could be that the one offering a critique of our work has missed the point of what we do. Either way, it is important to hear them out before responding. Use the following steps the next time you receive feedback.
1) Hear them out. Suspend judgment on whether they are right or wrong until you have heard the entire critique. Make an attempt to hear the opinion itself and separate the message from the messenger.
2) Keep your cool. Anger may only spark more anger and nothing is accomplished. Tears may spark pity but not necessarily respect. If management continually views an employee as emotional or given to temper tantrums, they may feel that worker is not a good fit for their team.
3) Ask for specifics. Try to get a better understanding of what error may have been committed. It could be that there is a misunderstanding of who did what, or what the standard was to be.
4) Evaluate the other person’s point. If you truly were the one in error, admit it. Owning up to a mistake and offering to make corrections in the future can actually add to the respect your boss has for you. However, if you feel you are not at fault, explain why. Again, there may simply be a misunderstanding.
5) Create a plan for the future. If you think you are not to blame, ask for instructions and repeat them back. Be specific and take notes if necessary. This way, you and the other person will truly be on the same page.
But there is a sense of dread to think we are about to be critiqued, even if it is said to be “constructive.” That’s because most people don’t buy it. Often, it’s just a soft opener for someone to lay into us about all our flaws. Constructive criticism has become a cliché, and a bad one at that. Far too often the subject is torn down and never built back up as the word “construction” implies.
Perhaps we should use the terms “analysis” or “assessment.” Yes, even offering tips or advice is better than having to hear someone’s list of negatives against us. And that is the reality of it; feedback is a waste of time if no one is listening. So, take what you think helps you grow and leave the negativity behind.
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[Photo courtesy Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels]
