The topic of love has always been of interest to me, throughout my whole life. What is love? What inspires love? How do you know it’s love? How long does love last? Why do some have what seems such a perfect love relationship, while others struggle to find it, or never find it?

I have discovered along the way that all interpretations are subjective. There isn’t a “one size fits all” kind of love, for sure. Some will be similar, but love is as individual as each person and as unique as each thumbprint.

In the quest for the meaning of love and why we crave it or want it I have felt the profound effects of learning to love oneself. It is quite difficult to find in another what you do not possess within yourself. We often see something in someone else that sparks an interest, then we often start to like the idea of them in our lives, without looking at who they actually are.

“Divine Love alone provides the purest form of love.” — Jennifer Durand

Learning to live authentically is knowing yourself. What do you like? What don’t you like? Many times you have to get uncomfortable (out of your comfort zone), stretch beyond what you think you can, by trying new things, putting yourself in new groups or situations. Building relationships of any kind takes time, patience and being willing to feel awkward, until you don’t. Like anything in life, until you lean into something unfamiliar it can be frustrating, or make you want to give up before you really get started. Even the best of the best at a skill can feel these feelings when they are in uncharted territory.

Sometimes love grows unaware. Friends who know each other inside and out suddenly (maybe even years later) realize their feelings for each other have shifted and they don’t want to be apart. Or, there have been families or cultures who have arranged unions based on practicality. Sometimes the arranged partners have not even met one another. The active ingredient was the desire to carry on tradition. Many couples started with respect for the other, accepting the situation. If you know the foundation of your relationship, you always have that to be your center when things get tough, just as love is the center for those in other relationships. From mutual respect, love can certainly grow.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” — Thomas Merton

There is a 2013 romantic comedy movie called Love Actually that delves into different aspects of love through 10 different stories of a variety of people; some of their stories are interlinked as the plot progresses. It starts with a narrator who, when he finds himself doubting the existence of love and compassion and feels gloomy about the state of the world, thinks of the arrival gate at the London Heathrow Airport: the pure, and uncomplicated love of lovers, friends and families that are greeting their respective loved ones. Then he is reminded that love does exist. Happiness and joy are expressions of that love.

“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.” — From the movie Love Actually

It also shows the pitfalls and loss that occurs when we step outside of love, how this forever changes a relationship. You know the phrase “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s lost”? This gives us a glimpse inside of the tenderness and fragility of love. It sits at the top of qualities, right next to trust. Once you’ve tarnished either, it is usually impossible to ever return to where you were or what you had. You might not lose someone completely, but it will forever affect what once was.

I also love the tale of “Beauty and the Beast.” What started out as a harsh situation of captivity turned into a beautiful love story. Why? Because kindness showed up, for both characters. When we exercise kindness (itself within the tribe of love), it softens a situation—a gentle approach, a caring spirit, a desire to see another happy even if it means sacrificing our own desires.

“Love inspires, illuminates, designates and leads the way.” — Mary Baker Eddy

There is so much to write on the subject of love, but for now we know that love lives. Love is alive in each one of us. It might be small, faint or almost nonexistent, but you were born of love, the Divine Love. Love may be vibrant, rich and fully awake inside of you. For all the many forms of love there are, we see it expressed each day, from a small gesture such as a mother making breakfast for her spouse or children, a husband brushing his wife’s hair, giving the bigger half of the sandwich to your sibling or sharing a toy. We see it when someone says “thank you” or offers a genuine compliment. We also see it when people stand by each other’s side through triumphs and tragedies. Find the love inside of you, and share it with others every day.

Live in love.

“You can feel a different kind of love for many people at the same time . . . Some you take care of, some you adore, some are friends and some you want to be with. Some take over your heart and some take over your mind . . . but all along love is not the same for everyone in your life.” — Neena Gupta

___

Photo, Top, Courtesy of How Far From Home / Pexels