This is the start of pleasure, baby girl, the start of something you will never forget. The Train Daddy is back once again and it is my pleasure to bring it to you raw and powerful and to the best of my ability. I am in love with sports, it is my passion and my weakness. My life has and always will be surrounded by sports, but I thought it was all going to be over for me and my love on May 21. Harold Camping was speaking all that crazy talk, and now he claims I have until Oct. 11. The crazy man is even crazier than the Train Daddy. Can we please lock the 90-year-old man up and put a muzzle on him until he is dead? The man tricks the poor weak people into believing the world is going to end, just like I trick people into believing I know a thing about sports, ha-ha! Well, my people, unlike Harold, I know all there is to know about sports. I am a sports genius. I don’t just claim to be, it is a proven fact. Go ahead and Google it, “The Train Daddy Sports Hero”: everything you need know is there to prove my intelligence.

What do I have for you this issue I reckon we have a little Dirty White Man Tango Championship Game to talk about, the Stanley Cup Finals are upon us and the death of a superstar who deserves praise. I also have a segment in where I will comment on Queens riding sticks because of a herpes outbreak. You heard me right so let’s get her rolling baby!

Well as all of my loyal readers know, I am not a huge fan of this game we call professional basketball; everyone knows my heart lies with college ball. I don’t hate the NBA; I just don’t call it basketball. I call it the The Dirty White Man Tango. I was excited by the play of the Memphis Grizzlies this post season, and I celebrated with them as they knocked off the No. 1 seeded Spurs and as they took the Thunder all the way to a game 7 (that Oklahoma ultimately ended up winning). I want to tip my hat to the young Grizzly team; they brought basketball and passion to the fans of Memphis at a time when it was needed as the city was dealing with all the floods.

And sorry, Chicago, I know your butt is still sore, but Miami was just better. Noah, stop calling fans “Fags” and making statements to the press that Miami is “Hollywood as Hell”; you make your team look pathetic.

Jason Terry

Enough talk about teams that didn’t make it to the finals; it is set—Miami vs. Dallas. Both teams dominated in their conference finals, both taking their series in a 4–1 fashion. So it looks to be Dirk Nowitzki and his deep veteran cast taking on the SUPER TRIO and whomever else Heat management could afford to play with them. I may hate on the NBA all the time and downgrade the integrity of the men in charge, but I know the game of basketball and this league like Mexico knows the taco, like a stripper knows the pole or like Tim Tebow knows W.W.J.D. So who do I have in this series? I am taking the Mavericks in 6 games. It is the Mavericks’ time right now, Dirk is playing better ball than anyone in the league up to this point; he is the M.V.P. Don’t get me wrong; the Super Trio will put up a great series, and I believe they are destined to dominate in the years coming, not this year though!

At least Jason Terry has faith or is just plain stupid, getting a championship tattoo on his arm before the series. Sorry, Wade, James and Bosh. The Train has already predicted your future, and I am not Harold Camping. I speak the truth, baby!

On to a legend, a man who was a man among boys, the one and the only Mr. Randy Savage—the Macho Man. When I was a child all the way up until I hit puberty, wrestling was it for me, my pastime, and I loved it. As I got older, I discovered women, and wrestling just got too crazy for me. The Macho Man was always one of my favorite wrestlers and was known for his deep, raspy voice and his crazy ring attire that would be fit for outer space. He captivated fans with his voice and his punchline (“Oooh, Yeah”!). Even after his wrestling career, he was known by all Americans as the Snap into a Slim Jim spokesman, with that deep voice. It saddens me to say that the Macho Man passed away in a car wreck in Florida where he was said to have had a heart attack behind the wheel. The Macho Man passed away on May 20; he was 58 years old. R.I.P., my brother.

Now I am going to move on to the odd story of the week that involves a mess of herpes in the stables and women who improvised because of the situation. In Utah at the Mounted Junior Queen Contest, the stables broke out with a herpes outbreak involving all the horses. The contest must go on, though, as the Queens rode a stick with a horse head attached to the top and they galloped on their own two feet around the barrels. It was bizarre, but it shows we as Americans always make the best out of a bad situation.

The home of Micheal Vick was purchased for $600,000. The new owner of the home plans to raise $3 million dollars to help build a compound to include a rehabilitation center for chained and penned dogs.

The Stanley Cup Finals are also here. Twenty percent of Americans are excited and 93 percent of Canadians just want to beat those damn Americans. O’YEAH! I love hockey. It’s fast, rough and just a good old game that has stood its time. The No. 1 seeded Vancouver Canucks take on No. 3 seeded Boston Bruins, as both teams are long overdue for a Stanley Cup victory. In Vancouver’s 40th season, they are still going for their first cup victory. The Bruins have gone since 1972 since their last championship 39 years ago. These two teams are no fluke. They are the two most dominant teams representing their conference, in my opinion. The Predators had the most heart. They just were lacking a little skill as they pushed Vancouver to the edge. I cried when Nashville lost to Vancouver. The Train really cried like a big baby. However, Vancouver and Boston are each a mere four wins away from hoisting the Stanley Cup. I know that it will be fast and exciting, and I am definitely taking Vancouver in the series in 5 games. This match-up is just a very large Goliath vs. a witty David. History may be on David’s side but the comparison on paper is not. Vancouver has superstars, they’re bigger and faster and they have Canada backing them up, and Canada will go to war over hockey. I know we will get a show, so sit back and if you don’t follow hockey, just grab a beer and watch grown men pound each other.

I also have to talk about Scottie Pippen and his recent statements: “But I may go as far as to say Lebron James may be the greatest player to ever play the game.” The Train Daddy loves it and hates it all at the same time. The comment made by Pippen is blasphemy to too many folks, players and fans of old and new. I love it because it is a topic that is never ending; it’s like politics and religion, you just don’t! I believe Pippen himself is a top 50 player of all time, and I believe he has resentment towards Jordan. Maybe he feels he took a back seat all those years to the great one. Regardless, what is the end result here? Jordan 6 rings, Lebron 0.

Maybe No. 1 comes this series. I say that ring belongs to Dirk Nowitzki.

Well, it is time to wrap it up, just like my high school sex education teacher preached day in and day out. The Train Daddy has got to roll out of the station. We have NBA and NHL championships to watch all week and it should be interesting.

Let me say a prayer. Dear God, please let there be a NFL season. PLEASE! As we wait to see how the lockout plays out, it better turn out well or I am starting a riot. Me and my people will take the streets and won’t be stopped. Football is oxygen for me and my people; without it we die, and we as a human race will fight to live. Believe that, yo! So the Train is rolling out the station. Check me out on boropulse.com with weekly articles soon to be available. It’s going to be hot and popping like habanero, boom-boom in your mouth. Spicy, baby, like the Train!