What is it about Evangelical Christianity that ruins rock ’n’ roll? I’m not talking about a clash of morality (obviously they have to omit the sex and drugs that usually precede). There’s something about the Christian + Rock combination that is immediately obvious. I can always tell even in the vague pronoun instances. Every time we say “he” or “you” we really mean Jesus. That said, and in the interest of full disclosure, I was first among the “Why should the devil have all the good music” clan. Since Lynch and I hail from the same hometown, I thought he might find me out anyway. I feel like I’ve earned the right to make these kind of claims because there exists a videotape somewhere that features me shredding rhythm guitar for a Christian metal band called, no lie . . . Theocracy. At some point I realized that some of the best music, and I’m thinking now about Mozart, Beethoven and Haydn, was composed for the church. I’m not sure that Page Lynch has improved the canon, but there’s no accounting for taste.

There are a few exceptions to my aversion to the catastrophic alchemical casserole of Christian + Rock (hyperbole, friends and neighbors). David Bazan, Jason Martin and Murfreesboro’s own (at some point) Cool Hand Luke immediately come to mind.

Page Lynch has made a bland, uninspired record, which is neither the fault of Jesus Christ nor rock ’n’ roll. Anyone who has navigated the corridors of contemporary Evangelicalism will recognize the stock vocabulary. This kind of “churchspeak” doesn’t make for a memorable hook. The music is about what you might expect—acoustic guitar pounding out strong rhythmic chords with ubiquitous ’80s guitar shredding in the background over cheesy keyboard string sounds. Keep in mind, this is a music review not a religious opinion column, but there is something so unique about the Christian rock phenomenon, I thought it deserved a bit of my amateur rumination.