While some have had coffee dumped in their laps, myself and the rest of The Pulse gang recently had an entire coffee shop dumped in our laps.

While we were relaxing at the Grind the other night, the owners, Kathy and Tony DeFeo, became entirely fed up with the coffee business and stormed out of the shop.

Not wanting the crowd to remain coffee-less throughout the night, I attempted to manufacture some strange concoctions behind the bar and sold them to some unsuspecting customers. Hey, I might not have known how to work the espresso machine or which grounds to put in it, but I didn’t hear any complaints.

Luckily, some of my more experienced coffee-making compatriots showed up to help.

So what drove Kathy and Tony to the edge? Was it the seven-day-a-week, coffee-filled Grind that they live? Or was it something more?

I think it’s what has us all riled up lately. The very night of their meltdown, “President” Bush dropped a bomb, not on Iraq, but on the American people.

I know I for one am more upset at the “president” than ever before, and, surprisingly, this time it has nothing to do with corruption, cronyism, profiteering or warmongering.

This time, it’s personal.

In his State of the Union Address, Bush actually spoke out against the creation of human-animal hybrids.

I, along with the vast majority of Americans, desperately want our tax dollars poured into projects like manufacturing creatures with human bodies and giraffe-like necks, babies that can stay underwater for an hour and jump like frogs and people with tails and/or venomous fangs.

Why, every mother I know would kill to have a kangaroo pouch on their bellies in which to keep their young.

In fact, I have long dreamed of having a rare tropical bird as my baby’s mama (by utilizing a laboratory, not a bedroom, of course).

Mr. Bush, you are destroying the future for all of our potential leopard-spotted children and the masses will take it no longer.

I implore everyone to write their congressmen concerning this important issue.

On another note, I hope everyone has a nice Valentine’s Day. But remember, stick to the humans for now.

Peace

Bracken Mayo, Editor in Chief