One of my favorite Tim Burton movies is Mars Attacks! I know that sounds funny. But the tongue-in-cheek comedy about aliens invading our planet tickles my nostalgic funny bone. It reminds me of the 1950s science fiction thrillers I grew up on. One of my favorite lines in the movie is when president James Dale, played by Jack Nicholson, has a face-to-face confrontation with the leader of the alien forces. After an eloquent speech about working together instead of fighting each other, he extends a gesture of peace and says, “Why can’t we—work things out? Why can’t we all just—get along?” Of course, he soon learns civility with the Martians is a pipe dream, but I still appreciate his sentiment. Life would be much better if we could, even with our differences, work things out and all just—get along. It isn’t that difficult to do.

Getting along is one of the primary lessons of life. The Apostle Paul tells us that we should, as much as is possible, live peaceably with all: “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; . . . Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:18–21).

Parents attempt to teach this lesson of being kind and respectful to their children. How many times have we heard a mother say “Now play nice!” as she attempts to referee a confrontation between toddlers? It is taken for granted that children should interact with each other in a civil, non-offensive way, and that they should keep their self-centeredness in check and not be rude or bully one another.

But maybe this is a lesson we need to teach ourselves as well as our children. Being rude and offensive is becoming more and more acceptable in today’s society. It certainly has taken hold of our national political climate, as well as our competing news corporations. Many of us can remember a time when news was about informing society of the events of the day instead of the constant display of bickering between opposing ideologies. But this lack of civility is evident in many other areas as well. My niece has three young boys, and they can be rowdy and challenging at times, like most boys. But my niece and her husband do a good job loving and raising them. Recently, she was shopping in a grocery store with her two youngest boys. They are one and two years old. Her one-year-old was teething and had a slight ear infection, so in discomfort he let out a loud scream in the middle of the store. While my niece was attempting to calm him down, an elderly lady who was nearby rudely turned to her one-year-old and said, “Stop yelling, you are hurting my ears!” Then she proceeded to tell my niece that mothers these days don’t teach their children anything, that she had five children and none of them ever did anything like that. Needless to say, my niece was devastated. She begged for a little compassion for a mother who was struggling. But she got none. The lady just waved her hand rudely and walked away. There my niece stood, in the middle of the grocery aisle, in tears, questioning: “Where has all the kindness and compassion gone?”

Whether it’s simple rudeness, insensitive bullying, political badgering, or pot-stirring—at the end of that road of rudeness is usually a lonely and bitter life. Ebenezer Scrooge found this out. He spent his life being an insensitive offense to other people, without an ounce of kindness or charity in him. As an old man he was all alone and bitter toward everyone, especially those who had joy in their own lives. It wasn’t until the three spirits of Christmas paid him a visit in his sleep that his eyes were opened to his wretched condition. He awoke from his nightmarish encounter a new man, determined to do something about his life.

The church is not exempt from its share of rude people. We are all broken and fall far short of what it truly means to be humane. Followers of Jesus, like everyone else, ought not to be an offense to each other or to those who do not follow the same path, for it is our calling to be peacemakers. Kindness, love and civility should be what characterizes Christians, instead of backbiting and quarreling. But sometimes, instead of being peacemakers, we buy into a culture of contentiousness. Recently, because of President Bush’s passing, I was recalling his sentiments about being a kinder, gentler nation. This is a noble idea, and we would do well if the world at times could see a kinder, gentler Christian, one who looks more like Christ than the contentious culture of the day.

Even in this admonition, I must be careful to encourage in a compassionate and understanding way. For I, too, struggle with being pulled into contention because of some things I have witnessed. Instead of seeing Christian peacemaking, I have witnessed war-mongering and purposeful prejudice. Instead of acting in kindness, I have seen attitudes of superiority and disdain toward others who believe differently. Instead of carrying a banner of love and compassion in the name of Jesus, I have seen things perpetrated in the name of Jesus which Jesus would have nothing to do with. So, in the love of Christ, I encourage all of us to look at the motivation in our hearts and the results of our actions as we live life together in this world. Do not purposefully be an offense to others.

It is true that the Bible tells us the Gospel itself is an offense. In speaking about the cross of Christ the Apostle Peter says, “The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone, and a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense” (I Peter 2:7–8) The good news of what was accomplished on the cross offends our pride. It offends our self-reliance. It offends our autonomy. It stands in opposition to our bankrupt self-righteousness. But while being an offense to our self-sufficiency, the gospel does not have an offensive motive behind it. God did not send His Son to die for our sins because He was an insensitive bully, or because He wanted to “tick us off.” The Gospel is the display of God’s love and compassion toward our helpless condition. When Christ went to the cross, he had our best interest at heart. So, we might say that the cross, when rightly understood, is a loving offense to our self-righteous senses. We must let the Gospel be an offense to the self-righteousness that is in each of us. And as we share it, we must let that Gospel continue to be a loving offense, but we are never to be offensive people, especially in the way we share that Gospel. We are never to be self-righteous or judgmental. Of all people, we who have received the compassion and love of God in Christ should be the most compassionate and loving people in this world, not only toward each other, but toward everyone. As God loved this world by sending His Son, we are to love those in this world. We should love our neighbor as we love ourselves (James 2:8).

Most importantly, an attitude of self-righteousness is offensive to Christ. The loving offense of the cross should put all our self-righteous ambitions to rest. After all, isn’t that what the Gospel is all about? Gospel means “the announcement of good news”: not good news about what we have done, but good news about what God has done for us by sending Christ to pay the penalty for our sins. I love to share this good news with my readers in hope that faith springs to life through what I have shared and puts to death the self-righteousness we think we have a right to. If this happens, then the loving offense of the cross becomes a loving fountain of life. May I never be offensive. May I never be a stumbling block who hides the beauty and loving offense of the cross.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends (I Corinthians 13:4–8).