The Christmas season has rolled around again and this time of year, I start thinking about what this season really means to me. Somewhere between Black Friday and the credit card bills in February, there should be some sign of that special feeling this season is supposed to represent. Sure, like most of us, I have family and friends that give me sense of purpose, but I have that feeling all year round for them. No, what I’m talking about is that milk of human kindness feeling, giving something back to say thanks to God for the millions of blessings he bestows upon me every year.
I may not be sure how I’m going to find that extra goodness in myself this year, but I can tell how I found it for about a decade. In the late ’90s, I went through a rough spot in my life. I had just turned thirty and up to that point, I thought I was superman. No matter what happened, I was tough enough to take it. Well, anybody who has had some real setbacks in their life can tell you—that just ain’t true. I won’t bore you with all the details but I had some setbacks at work, some family health problems, I thought for a few weeks I could possibly lose my house and other stresses I still have trouble talking about today. To make matters worse, some of the people that I thought I could count on in those days decided not have much to do with me. I fell into a depression and had no idea what to do with myself. I was angry all the time, drank too much and was a general pain to be around. Maybe that’s why no one wanted to hang out with me. Then one morning, I woke up and decided I didn’t like who I was becoming. I wasn’t going to let my problems get the best of me, so I tried to fix it.
At first, I had no idea what to do to make myself happier. All the things that were wrong seemed beyond my control and that was a situation I was not used too. Now this is not a story about religion and you don’t have to believe what I say next, but I have no doubt—God spoke to me. Like a clear train whistle in the night, a voice in my head said “There are only two things in this entire world that you have to do and that is be good to yourself and be good to others.” Yeah, it sounds simple, but it’s very true and I took it to heart. With that information, I began to change my life, I started playing softball, picked up my guitar again, started writing poems and songs and just generally kept myself moving. Being active and productive helped me turn the corner and before long, I was getting back to my old self again.
That took care of being good to me, but what about being good to others? Then I remembered something, when I was in my early 20s, one Christmas I helped the local Toys for Tots chapter, Miles of Dimes, give out toys at one of their Christmas parties. It was a thing we did through work, so I used it as a way to kill the day but I had a great feeling when I left that day. So now, I thought I should go back, not to help myself, but to help others.
The lady that founded and ran the program, Rose Yost, had been doing this every Christmas since the early eighties. So, I started volunteering and did so, every year for the next eight years. Over time, Rose began to rely on me to help coordinate many aspects of this party. A Christmas party for kids is how she wanted it and it was an awesome sight to behold. We averaged about 2,000 children every year and with their parents there also, the crowd was about the size of high school football game. The event was moved from venue to venue, like the Agricultural center, the National Guard Armory and finally settling into the rec center at MTSU. With a small army of volunteers and the help of the Murfreesboro Fire Department, there was a lot of logistics that had to be sorted out. Rose could be a harsh task master from time to time and I was certainly stubborn in my own right so we butted heads often but, every year the event was a bigger success. She was then and still is an inspiration to me.
The real pay off was the day of the giveaway. I would walk through the crowd, listen to the kids sing Christmas songs along with the volunteers and see the excitement on their faces. There is no way you could do that without it putting a smile on your own face. Often times, I would see someone I knew and knowing that this program was helping them have a better Christmas made it all the better. When all the toys were given out, the mess cleaned up and the volunteers gone home, I had a good feeling that lasted me well into the next year. A feeling that I had given something back and maybe earned my keep on God’s little blue planet.
When Rose retired, she found the Home Owners Association to hand the program off too and they are still doing it the same way today. I went to a few of their meetings and helped them in a small way to get set up, but it wasn’t the same for me, I just felt out of place. So, I decided to give it up and let someone else have that good feeling.
At Rose’s retirement party, I got up and said a few words about how much it helped me. I estimated that during her time, she had helped over 50,000 children have a better Christmas. And of that 50,000, I was able to help about 20,000 myself. That’s the gift she gave to me, that will stay with me for the rest of my days.
After her retirement, I gradually lost track of Rose and she recently passed away. I had intentions to go see her, because I knew she was in bad health. I found out about her passing at work and had to hide my sadness. I felt guilty for not spending more time with her. But, Rose had plenty of family around her and died with the satisfaction of having given so much to so many. She taught me the true meaning of giving and selflessness. Her lessons helped bring me out of a depression that threaten to consume me and gave me a new idea about Christmas that is still with me today. I don’t find my special holiday feeling through Toys for Tots anymore, I have passed that on to others. But with those lessons Rose taught me, I do somehow find it every year and I hope you find yours too. Merry Christmas.
