Observing children is remarkable. They have genuine curiosity, playfulness, hesitation, noticing, intuition. Not the carefully crafted, tainted, “politically correct” responses that adults tend to learn. They are pure and innocent in nature. If allowed, they will say what is on their mind, with no filter. They also need guidance to understand what they are feeling until they can fully develop and know the difference between emotions, feelings and reality.

Now, observing the mature and retired generation you see similar qualities. These adults notice more, tend to say what they think without caring if someone agrees or disagrees with them. They think about playing more and enjoying their time. Their form of play and curiosity may look a little different, but they focus on what they want to do versus what they think they have to do.

“Control is never achieved when sought after directly; it is the surprising result of letting go.” — James Arthur Ray

Most of life happens in between these two stages, yet we are conditioned to treat it like a “destination waiting room” where there are doors we want to go into at some future point and we label them “success,” “security,” “retirement,” “happiness” or even “enough.”

As children, we naturally trust the process. We don’t question whether we are growing. We don’t wake up at 6 a.m. wondering if we’re behind in life. We play, imagine, and trust that tomorrow will come. We even anticipate what we might discover tomorrow, without fear, worry or feelings of inadequacy. Somewhere along the way, curiosity gets replaced by measurement. We start asking ourselves: Am I successful enough? Am I productive enough? Am I earning enough? Am I attractive enough? The result of this thinking is we spend decades living in a state of becoming rather than being.

“It’s funny, in a human kind of way, how we can convince ourselves that we’re in control at the very moment we are beginning to lose it.” — William Moyers

I knew a child who was ill at the age of 13 and was hospitalized for six weeks. During all the awful things he battled, all he thought about was getting out of there and racing his motorcycle. He even had his toy motorcycles with him and posters on the walls. That’s what he thought about. And that’s exactly what he did the minute he was well enough. Then I saw that same person, as a grown man, become ill and hospitalized for five weeks. He had enough to deal with trying to get well, but I saw how he battled the adult issues of worry and stress over keeping his business running, paying the bills and keeping up with life.

I also saw a couple of retired people who simply thought about what adventure they were going to do today. Would they play golf, swim, see friends or grandchildren? They weren’t focused on things that caused stress. I realized there is a huge gap between being a child of curiosity and innocence to a retired adult full of anticipation for what they could do with their time.

It is the garden of life. Children plant the seeds. Retirees enjoy the harvest. The middle years are spent tending, watering, pruning and trusting growth that can’t yet be seen.

“True calm begins when you realize that control is an illusion, and surrender is freedom.” — Unknown

So how do we “quiet the need to control” a situation, event or even another person? It’s great to be organized, have a plan, or goals that propel us forward. It’s also great to be aware that you cannot control everything that happens even with the best intentions or plans. No matter where you are right now in life, you can adopt a few thought patterns to shift your focus.

Here are a few ideas to bridge the gap.

Replace “What’s Next” with “What’s Here”: Most of our stress comes from anticipating some future that hasn’t even happened. Yet so much energy is spent in “what if” thinking. Instead of constantly asking “what’s next” or “what if,” ask “what is this season of my life trying to teach me?” Life unfolds in moments and chapters, not checklists.

Practice Daily Wonder: Children are curious because they don’t believe they already know everything. Try cultivating awe in ordinary moments, learning something new, noticing beauty, asking questions without needing answers. Wonder quiets the need to control.

Define “Enough”: Many people suffer not because they lack enough, but because they never define it. What if enough meant: enough love, enough time with family, enough health, enough peace. Without defining enough, the finish line keeps moving and you don’t feel satisfied.

Build Pauses Into Life: Nature grows in seasons. Fields lie fallow. Trees rest in winter. Humans expect continuous growth and productivity. Rest is not the absence of progress, it is a part of the process.

Trust That Growth Is Happening Underground: Much of life-changing growth is invisible. Just as roots develop before a tree rises, our character, wisdom, resilience and faith often grow beneath the surface long before results appear. The process is working even when the evidence seems scarce.

Perhaps the purpose of life is not to become someone, but to remember who we were before the world convinced us we needed more or we weren’t enough. The space in between childhood and retirement is not a gap to survive. It is the very place where life is lived.

___

Photo, top, courtesy of Kampus Productions / Pexels