A new season is about to begin. Out come our fall clothes, we change our garden flowers and decorations and know that nature will soon cast its dormant state upon us. Fall begins the season of resetting, back-to-school, new routines, holidays approaching, then it’s New Year’s! That means the season for “fresh starts” is just around the corner: the pressure to self-analyze and see what you could do better, or at least differently. It is the most popular time for people to decide “once and for all” that this new year will be the one they finally make a fresh start and do all the things that will make their life just right.
What if a fresh start isn’t what you need? What if what you need is to simply notice what is already working and nurture it? We are continuously encouraged to reinvent ourselves so much that we often forget to simply notice what is already working in our lives. We are quick to discard something and pick the shiny new thing that will bring the adrenaline rush that misleads us into thinking we are headed toward a better, new and improved version of who we are.
Massaging and pruning what is already there is more sustainable than burning it all down to start over.
No doubt you have more going right for you than not. A good practice for noticing what is working can happen first thing in the morning. When you wake up, before you get out of bed, try lying there and think of three things that you are thankful for. Include why you are thankful for them. Then, throughout the day, make a mental note of the things that take place. What flows effortlessly? What goes smoothly? What makes you smile, laugh or makes your heart beat a little faster? These will become part of your reservoir of gratitude and be some of the things you start your day with before you get out of bed.
I remember years ago a friend’s child had been ill. She talked about how the natural concern of others prompted questions such as “oh no, what’s wrong?” When we are asked that question, we immediately relay all of the woes, and it somehow reinforces all the negative thoughts already in progress. It makes the situation seem larger than it needs to be. She wanted to correct this in her thinking. She didn’t want to rehash all the things that seemed to be going wrong. As a God-fearing woman of faith, the thought occurred to her to ask instead, “what is going right?” She quickly began to fill her thoughts with the many things that were good. Within a very short time, the child’s health improved, something she felt deeply grateful for and connected to her change in thought about the situation. That is certainly something to be thankful for.
“To find yourself, think for yourself.” — widely attributed to Socrates
Out of fun and the desire to sprinkle a little of the unexpected, I got a little clever when greeting people. When asked “How are you?” I often say something like “amazing” or “brilliant” and then add “but you already know that!” It always receives a smile that says “well, that was unexpected” or catches them off guard in a positive way. So often when we are asked “how’s it going?” people seem to chime in right away with something they are lamenting over. Problems and grief tend to bond people, as it seems there are always plenty of problems to go around. People like knowing they aren’t alone in their misery. But guess what? When you share something positive it shifts the energy and the atmosphere becomes more alive. Before you know it, you are forgetting about your woes, at least for a little while.
More recently I started greeting friends not with the typical “how are you?” but simply by greeting them with the qualities I saw in them. It might go something like “Hi. You are so smart, strong and friendly to everyone you meet” or “Hi, you brave, beautiful warrior.” It lights them up. Every. Single. Time. It has been fun just to mentally stop and pause to truly think about how I feel about the person I’m greeting. Even when it’s someone you don’t know or you’re being introduced to, you can pick up on characteristics of how they sound, look, carry themselves. We all like to know affirming things that others see in us. So express them.
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” — Joseph Campbell
You don’t have to become a new version of yourself to experience life differently. Maybe you simply need to nurture the person you already are. Like tending to a garden. When you water it, love it, look after it, give it sunlight and are patient, it flourishes. The colors are more vibrant and alive. You don’t necessarily need a fresh start. You might just need to take a closer look at what you are doing well, nurture it, and give it room to grow.
If you do need a little change, maybe start with small or gentle adjustments. Maybe you don’t need a whole new routine, you just need 20 quieter minutes in the one you already have. Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to begin with some dramatic commitment. It could be something simple like taking a walk, spending an hour without your phone, sitting outside, getting a massage, calling someone, going to bed earlier, saying no to something or saying yes to something you’ve missed.
Take a closer look at yourself. What stands out? Now, nurture it—and watch it grow.
If you want to be somebody else, change your mind. — Sister Hazel, “Change Your Mind”
___
Photo, top, courtesy of Chris L / Pexels
